[/Blogger]

Done with all this. Apparentally, I can't even mindlessly vent in my own little online spot, so pffft. I quit.

OtakuBoards
You know what? I am getting sick of this online community that says it promotes individual thinking, yet turns around and slaps people in the back of their heads (or worse) when someone actually dares to speak up or in a manner that does not reflect those in power.

Just today, both DeathKnight and Shy have jumped on my case, and both have done so because they misunderstood my posts, claiming I was saying stuff that they assumed. Assume is three words, you know. I never get tired of saying that.

You know, this is really pissing me off right now. And it's a shame, because OB has really nice members, when you aren't being pounded by the occasional ....meh.

I think--scratch that, I know Josh doesn't likes me. Ever since he came out, he seemed to imagine that I was a homophobe, and has definitely changed from the Shyguy I knew and loved.

I wish I could talk to Sara, but she's far more distant that I could ever hope to reach over now.

Very, very frustrating. It won't be terribly upsetting if I get banned for this, but I'd miss being a part of a community I, with hundreds of others, have helped to shape.

*heavy sigh* So what happens now?

Maybe it's the video game talking...
I just...*sigh*...I dunno. I'm really starting to think that my online social life is going into a sinkhole. Considering my real life was that way for years, that just doesn't do much for my self esteem.
I can't get ahold of certain people, for time zone reasons.
Ever since my schedule changed up, I've missed certain people. Whenever I sign on, I'm just in time to see Sara sign off.
Ever since "realities" have surfaced, I've had to say goodbye to other people, through my own design, or because I was forced to. (It hurts that Josh seems to be avoiding me again. Again. He doesn't seem like the Josh I used to know anymore.)
I've got a few people online that really care about me and vice versa, and, as cliche as it sounds, I should be happy with that, right? I mean, one or two people always make the difference, right?
But cliches are just that.
I need more.

Sure, if I got out more, this wouldn't be a problem. I want to say that my IRL life is blossoming, since I'm participating more at work. But I skipped out on church today. Didn't feel any remorse, either. I keep telling myself I'll help out with the church, or join in the bible studies, but something always seems to come up or I've gone and forgot.
I don't mind being a lone wolf, except for those moments when you don't wanna be a lone wolf. Those are painful moments.

I'm hoping maybe this is just the college funk--y'know, all work and school means no time to play? But I can't remember the last time I actually went out and did something with someone that wasn't a family member. That's pathetic. My art is suffering majorly, not in the creation, but in the fact that I'm NOT creating--I'm stagnating. I swore that I would produce an artwork once a week *points to Mitch as witness*, and I haven't.

My online life actually drags on me. It follows me around everywhere I go, and I keep hearing people telling me not to make such a big deal of it. There's some kind of intimacy you have online that you just can't share with IRL people. At least, I know I can't share my personal life IRL.

So anyways, yeah, if any of my old online friends are reading this, well...well PFFFT. *holds head in hands* I dunno what I want anymore. And I can't seem to trust enough people to find out.

As reassurance, I still have a small handful of you left--you late nighter(/s) on AIM. And you too, my dear Mitch. I'm just very very weary right now...