As if I didn't have enough posted here; there's something I wanted Shy to see from yesterday, but now it's pushed nearly halfway down the page. @_@

Stolen From TN's
...:::How can you be happy, when the one thing that can make you happy is so scary even the strongest of people cringe in its presence:::...

Another song for my lovey dovey mood
"Melodies of Life" from FF9. A little gushy, but sweet.

Random AC update for no reason
Lyridia's residents include:
Jay (BlueBird or Robin), Pippy (tan Jap. Rabbit), Dora (grey mouse), Betty (golden hen), Gaston (yellow grouch of a rabbit), Huck (green frog I keep calling Puck by accident ^^;), Astrid (grey kangaroo), Rocco (a rude, teal hippo), Monique (a stuck up, blonde headed white cat), two koalas that I cannot remember the names to right now, but one is blue all over, and the other is the norm, with a caveman's outfit?, PomPom (the red headed, airheaded white duck)...I think that's everyone at the moment.
I guess a new person moves in every day or so, depending on how the town grows. I'd have to ask Des or Flora.

A day of much Blogging
Waiting eagerly for Wind Waker.
Waiting eagerly for Wind Waker.
Waiting eagerly for Wind Waker.
^_________________________^

You are...
Birujinia OR Jinni rinu. In Japanese, that is.

OWCNOUTS is my AIM name, as baptized by Flora m'Dora. Bweeee....

"you're shidou hikaru! people love you because of your friendly, outgoing personality. you are a warm individual who is fiercely loyal to those you care about. you are open with your emotions and nobody has to guess what you are feeling. you possess a refreshing, childlike innocence; you are optimistic and skilled at cheering up others. people admire your dependability and courageousness. you love animals and your natural element is fire."

want to know which magic knight you are? take the test!

ACK! I went to go back for that Magic Knight image, retook the test the same way, and got a different result! oO;;;

More evil online Quizzes

your eyes show your friendly nature


which eye are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Check it out, man! Are you a villain?
You're not a villain at all. You do fight against good guys, but only for your personal goal- which is usually a long-term jealousy against the fiancee of what should be YOUR true love. You'd be a little more effective in stealing this love if you didn't get lost so easily.

I'm a water Faery. But...those images don't show up for that quiz. Silly quiz.
Take the What Faery Are You? Quiz!




Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz


My New Year's resolution is to break stuff? O....k...




What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?


AND




What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?


Those two need to agree. I got them both. oO;;; Though I don't like some of the wording in that quiz, I DO like this question:
"10. The quickest way to piss me off is to hurt someone I care about."
*clicks I Agree, Priority High*



Creepiness.



Ouchies.

"you're hououji fuu! other people often consider you to be an intellectual, but there is much more to you than just a brain. you enjoy activities that challenge your mind, but you also like athletics. you are intuitive and a bit of a strategist. you are quite a bit more mature than most of your friends, and you have a tendency to be cynical. you have an odd sense of humor and people are attracted to your quirky personality. your natural element is air."

want to know which magic knight you are? take the test!

OK. Um....*stares at result* That's true, but...*looks around*...you weren't supposed to know that! (What show is that, anyway?)

Which Trigun Character are You like?
Takes other quizzes at Newsies Meets Anime...Anime Meets Newsies...

It'd help if I knew what that show was about. ^^;;;;

Oops, double post. Silly Blogger.

The Ice World
I was watching this on the Discovery Channel today, about the supposed life the humans lived back in the Ice Age. What struck me was this:
"Social skills were necessary for survival in life. It wasn't a matter of choice. Such skills are still hardwired into us today."

So not being social means we are doomed, evolutionary. @_@ What a thought.

Mood-catching Lyrics
Anotherwords, lyrics that I can identify with right now. Kudos if you guess where this song came from. It shouldn't be too hard for some of you. ;)
(I can actually sing this with nearly understandable pronounciation, too, heh. And the orchestration for this song is GORGEOUS.)

Kaze ga yoseta kotoba ni oyoida kokoro
kumo ga hakobu ashita ni hazunda koe

Tsuki ga yureru kagami ni furueta kokoro
hoshi ga nagare koboreta yawarakai namida

Suteki da ne futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo kimi no machi ie ude no naka

Sono mune karada azuke
yoi ni magire yumemiru

Kaze wa tomari kotoba wa yasashii maboroshi
kumo wa yabure ashita wa tooku no koe

Tsuki ga nijimu kagami wo nagareta kokoro
hoshi ga yurete koboreta kakusenai namida

Suteki da ne futari te wo tori aruketa nara
ikitai yo kimi no machi ie ude no naka

Sono kao sotto furete
asa ni tokeru yumemiru. ~~"Suteki da ne futari"

OWCNOUTS
My newest nickname in chatrooms until further notice. *eyes Flora*

I will change that ....I can! I just...
-_-;
*sighs heavily* I was almost there tonight...then we got all goofy...and I just couldn't. I felt trying it then and there would be stupid, or make me feel stupid, or something. But I'll keep finding excuses like that, won't I?

I want to change that, I really really really do. But...the thing...that will change it...so hard...

*realises everyone but Flora is confused now*

Shy: I'm sorry. I am not in the best mood now, and certain other people's attempts to help have made me feel worse.

*stares at it*

...........

....meh.

It's things like this that put the fear of rejection in my heart--that's why I get nervous talking to you, Shy. I still feel like...like you look down on me. ;_; Here's hoping that comment wasn't aimed at me.

..........

Ugh, what a day
Mom begged me to call in sick to stay with her. I didn't.
I got my butt kicked really bad in the morning shift, and was sorta creamed but not really during the evening one, though my other ToGo begged me to let her go home.
Ugh.

On Josh
He reminds me of my youth minister from my old congregation: quiet, somewhat manipulative, and so forth. He kept leeching gum off me all night. ^^; I had someone else tell me that he reminds her of me, or I remind her of him. Eeps.

Also...
Did you notice the moon looke warped and not as bright last night? I sure did. Weird...

A final note on the Shaun pic
Ron saw it. oO;
"Who's that?" he half-demanded.
"Oh, one of my guy friends," I replied casually.
"Oh, one of your guy friends, huh?"
oO;
"What's the matter?" I asked teasingly, "jealous?"
He just grumbled back.
Silly Ron. ^________^
(His family came in tonight, too, which was interesting.)

What a morning already
Ugh, tossed and turned. Hardly any dreams, which is good. I woke up every two hours, and had to keep readjusting my sheets--they were everywhere but where I needed them to be. When I finally woke up, I felt pretty sick. Still do... XP

I read because I can and you can't stop me
You can't stop me from reading your blogs. Why? Because I care about you. That's a given.
And you tell me not to let it affect me. Well, guess what? I care about you.
I read because I care. I ache in sadness for you because I care. I choose to do this because I care.
See a pattern?

Aimed Directed at Des
Oh Des, not you, too... *hugs her Breko plushie sadly* Who will I talk to about AC now...?

To all you "Oh, school just doesn't mean anything anymore" people
And I say all this out of complete love (and a little Ron-stolen temper):

Did you forget that giving up in the middle not only means failing, but repeating? Which means if you stop now, when it's still easy to start again, you'll be stuck in this rut forever, until it gets to be too difficult to go on?
I can understand if one person is saying this. Maybe two. But we're pushing five or six now, from Ginny's standpoint (and considering that, that is something to be worried about). Which means some of you or all of you, are using this as an excuse for something else. *temper spurting out*
I CANNOT believe these same people are the ones who, only a year ago, if even that, wrote amazing stories, produced gorgeous pictures, astounded us with their knowledge.
Go right ahead and think, "Oh well, I'm just screwing myself, nobody cares." But you better be damn sure you get this straight--you are wrong. *Ron temper heating up dangerously*
*calms down a little*

I have seen self destruction, first hand. I've done it to myself, I've seen others do it to themselves. And I'm sure everyone has some sort of pyschological explanation. *wildly thrown out analogy warning* Can you imagine if Bush used the same thinking on the Iraq situation? "Oh, we've been trying for 12 years and nothing's happened. We haven't made any headway, so I'm just not gonna bother, because it can't be worth it." Which would leave Iraq far more screwed than we can imagine. *end warning*

I'm venting at every last one of you because I care. I may not be the best at showing it, but I sure as heck ain't gonna give up trying, just to show you I can. And maybe venting like this only feeds into your self destruction thing: ok, she's mad, so I get a good feeling that someone cares, whee, back to self destruction. But I can't sit by and pretend like nothing's happening. Excuse me for being corrupted by Rontemper.

As stupid, corny, after school show-y this sounds, you're the only one that can pull you out. I only hope that your version of self-destruction is not like mine: mine had me hurting people and ...*swallows hard* ...enjoying it while I was. And it didn't make me any happier; every time I pulled out, I felt worse and worse. Even now, I'm still having difficulty forgiving myself for hurting you all recently. *glances to Flora*

Godwilling, you don't have that kind of self-destruction bit in mind. Godwilling, it's not self-destruction at all, just senioritis setting in on all of you early. But keep in mind what I am about to say, and will continue to say, regardless of if/when I see you...even if I don't:

I read because I care. And you can't stop me from caring.

Happiness comes in threes
Ok, so I got a step up in the art department. Happiness one.

Shaun's co-worker sent a "Hi" message to me for no reason but to say hi. That totally made my day. Happiness two.

AND...I made Flora proud. I...I opened up to her. I haven't done that very well since this time last year. So much has happened in the past year...and I had built high walls around my heart.

...but I opened up to her.

It still hurts, but less. That's good. And it helps to share with her who I am going crazy over.

Being open. Wow.

Thanks, Flora m'Dora. *soft smile*

Even cool things can happen in 30 minutes
At first, I didn't like how this came out--all smudgy and junk.
But then my fellow OtakuPeeps told me they loved it, and they actually recognized the person! Is that great or what? 'Tis a good day for me!

"You might been hurt babe,
That ain't no lie.
You've seen them all come and go.
I remember you told me
That it made you believe in
No man, no cry.
Maybe that's why:

Every little thing I do
Never seems enough for you.
You don't wanna lose it again--
But I'm not like them.
Baby, when you finally
Get to love somebody...
Guess what?
It's gonna be me.

You've got no choice babe
But to move on, you know.
There ain't no time to waste.
Cuz you're just too blind to see
But in the end you know it's gonna be me.
You can't deny
So just tell me why:

Every little thing I do
Never seems enough for you.
You don't wanna lose it again--
But I'm not like them.
Baby, when you finally
Get to love somebody...
Guess what?
It's gonna be me.

There comes a day
When I'll be the one
You'll see...
It's gonna....it's gonna be me!

All that I do
Is not enough for you.
You don't wanna lose it again--
But I'm not like them.
Baby, when you finally
Get to love somebody...
Guess what?
It's gonna be me."

Wretched wretched NSync song. >_< But I keep listening to it. And that other one with the SlapCheeks--erks, Backstreet Boys.

On the plus side, I'm no longer dreaming dirty dreams about certain...friends. They've been replaced by one. *eyes the one and sighs* Going crazy again. -_-;

Is that better?

YAY! My time is finally set right in this blogger. Don't ask how it got screwed up in the first place.

Now to fix the end post part...

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Heck, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I swear on Auron's Masamune that I didn't cheat! Which means...oO;;;; Well, wait, if that's so, then where's my guy?!?
*grumbles* This love thing's driving me crazy, in case you didn't know. ^_~

It's results like those that make me wonder if we are answering honestly or answering what we think is honestly. I'd like to see someone else's view on me, just to make sure I'm seeing me the same/right way. Does that make sense?

Heh, perfect? *soft laugh* Well, I try.

Blogger update
Several of you have just quit altogether, and I'm sorry to see that. And I hope that those still with us keep posting. :)

Sara
"I hate all my art, I can't draw, I can't write I can't--

::sees Ginny glaring at her::

::ducks and runs::"

Do you remember who said that?
And do you remember why you said it?

You thought I was kidding. :|

More crazy stuff
(Heh, I warned you I would, Deus.)

I've got a new companion to the NSync song, *shudder*. It's a Backstreet Boys one. *crawls into hole*
So now I have both It's Gonna Be Me and I Need You Tonight running around in my head. And I'm getting a little better about going about my usual routine, as long as I make sure to hum one or the other every hour or so. ^^;;;;;;

There's been a new bother thrown into all this: my new manager Josh (and I just know I'm going to laugh at myself later for this)--methinks he might like me. Either that, or he's trying a little too hard to be nice, since he's new and all. Or maybe my brain is just imagining what isn't there, because of the state my brain's in right now. :-\ I remember at the beginning of the shift today, we were all watching the latest on the war on CNN, and Josh walks past, pauses in front of me first. "Smile," he said, quietly but sternly. He then proceeds to tell everyone else that.
He kept asking me about all these questions about when I work, and I noticed that he's always coming around to talk about nothing in particular. Weird. Like I said, could be my mindset playing tricks on me. He's sorta shy and new, so we'll see what happens.

But I don't want anything to happen! I want the guy I've been going pyscho over. And I have yet to figure out how I'm going to do that. Well, I sorta kinda but not really do...and....and...

Going crazy again. @_@

This is so freaking not fair! I don't I've ever been in such a tizzy. (Yes, that's a word, and maybe I've been in a few a few other times, but still...) I could gush and gripe and go on about this some more, but I should stop now, and go hum some songs. ^_~

Final Thought
And if all this lovey dovey stuff seems ridiculous to you the reader, let me just say sternly but lovingly that it is just as ridiculous as the overwhelming angsty stuff that I've been seeing lately (guilty of it too, though). This is my way of pulling out. Let's hope you can find a way, too.
*hugs you* Please find a way.

Now that Quizilla is finally behaving...

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*smirks* What of it?

Padded Walls
Running into them is lots of fun. As long as they are padded enough.

Keeps my mind off of war and....*points down to next topic*

To you, who is driving me crazy
You prolly don't know you are. But that's ok...I kinda like being driven crazy.
It kinda gives me hope somehow. All I know is that I haven't been able to find a solution to getting you off my mind. You've been there--pratically set up residence there--all day. You already stole my heart when I wasn't looking. You need my brain, too?

It's probably not fair for me to be telling you this, though. I know I wouldn't want to be jerked around like this. But it's just...like I said...I can't get you out of my head or my heart. *gush gush...* And every time I hear that wretched NSync song, I think of you.

Saying anything more will make your identity more obvious, so I'd best stop. But it helps to write--to get the ache out for a while. *sad and happy smile* And maybe...just maybe...I'm capable of love.

*soft smile* Yeah, I like that.

Muchly.

Going Insane
...like normal. ;)

Cupid's been a little late visiting me, but it would help if he had brought a guy along with for me. Argh, I'm going insane.
I want
I need
someone, someone special to share my body, soul, and life with.

I keep looking at all the males around me, and--ARGH! This one's taken, that one's off limits, we tried it before with that one and screwed up a good thing, etc etc etc. And that one frigging song keeps bouncing around in my head. It's bad enough that it's an NSync song (sorry, DJ)...that one called It's Gonna be Me.

But I want to keep trying. I will keep trying. Maybe then, my fears of being abandoned and lonely will be gone; maybe then, I can finally admit I know how to love; maybe then, I'll be...heh...happy.

(This has got to be the most insane and confusing and weird post I have ever made. Sorry. @_@)

~EDIT~

At this moment, I'm pretty sure of who I want to be with. But...well...the whole thing's gone complicated on me. And I'm still scared of my version of love--I'm terrified I'm going to hurt someone again. But if I count as a someone who could get hurt, I'm already hurting. Or aching. Or something. And...

BLERG! Confusing!

I guess I want someone that I can show that he means everything to me. And I want to feel that way back. Without fear of rejection, or being cheated on...which is something I really need to get over, or I'll never get anywhere. I remember years ago, when I thought I found the one and he thought the same way too...and went and cheated on me. Stupid heart. XP

Still confusing? Well, I'm writing this for my benefit, to get it out, sooooo....heh.

"When you finally/get to love somebody..."

*throws CD across room* Stupid stupid song. I'm still going crazy about all this. The only good thing is that my mind has finally shifted from especial no-nos to just this one person. But that is the problem for me now.

*screams something unintelligible and is tempted to run into the wall*

While everyone else is worried about the war, I'm worrying about other things. @_@ Oy vey. *bangs head on computer desk* At least it's keeping my mind off the war. But I need something to take my mind off of this!

*finally breaks down and runs into wall*

Blerga. Bweezaka.

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yep, that about covers me. ^____^;


Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?


What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

Um....ok? Heh...

At least today was better
So it rained some. No biggie.
So not much happened in AC. No biggie.
So Bryan did his tour today.

Eeps. Major biggie.

Bryan is our Area Director, which means he's my bosses' boss' boss. Pleasing him is a must. (Especially since Shannon's dream is to turn our tiny Chili's into a manager training store, via Bryan's approval.) The general sense I got was that we did ok. Not fantastic, but better than usual.

Plus, I got two customer compliments in the space of five minutes today! It's been so long since I last got one. One was directly to my manager (and he owes me a Chili Pin for that), and the other is going directly to Home Office. *shrieks in happy excitement*

I hope Greg gets to feeling better soon...poor guy was suffering from sinuses.

It's starting again...
The Tempest Whirpool amongst us all. But I won't focus on that. Nah, I shall be a bit more selfish than that.

The other thing that is starting up again is those dreams. I thought for freaking sure that telling about the source of them would release whatever makes me dream/nightmare like that. These not quite dreams nor nightmares are gentler, it seems, but frankly, I don't want them at all.
It's making it difficult to sleep.
It's making it difficult to be relaxed around all the guys I am near.
It's just plain making it difficult.

I keep getting these feelings that I'm not supposed to have about certain people that are clearly off limits. Or no longer in my reach. Or any of that kinda stuff. When my mom teasingly told me getting married and doing it would solve most of my problems, I chalked it down as a joke. I wonder...

I know when I was dating, the off-limits, out of reach, whatever type guys seemed much less appealing, to the point of being able to treat them as friends and that's it. No weird dreams, nothing. And most of the time, even though I haven't dated in four years, it's still like that--I know who's off limits and I can treat them as friends, almost like family.

I remember the first time this was a problem for me, and I had asked my mom if there was such a thing as loving a guy without it being the bed-love, if you get my drift. Mom answered the affirmative, to my immense relief, because I have a lot of guy friends I care a lot about--like mentors, really. I can name two or three off the top of my head, and I've had many over the years.

But these weird dreams are back and they need to stop. These bizarre feelings need to go away.

Maybe I do need a guy. oO;

There's only one thing that would hold me back (besides my heart-stopping personality, har har), and it's a physical trait. Beh, how I wish I could fix it.

OK, now I'm just rambling.