Random nothingness about Random people
(This is not a poem, just random thoughts--I can't tell where one thread stops and another starts. But it goes on and on about different people so...yeah. For some reason, I can hear myself singing this? as I type it.)

Sittin'
Starin'
Wonderin' if you're carin'
Where I've been
Where I've done
'Cause I wonder 'bout you.
Missin'
Achin'
Little heart's breakin'
Where're you now
What've you done
Why'd they take me from you.

And I cry heal me, heal me,
Father, save me.
Abba, I'm on my knees again.
Kiss away the tears that mark me
I just want to be whole again.

Mentor
Leader
Condemn and commend
Show me wrong
And good along
The path of this life.
Teach me
Guide me
Let me fall on my own
Scraping knees,
Bumping these
Ideas from my head.

And I cry heal me, heal me,
Father, save me.
Abba, I'm on my knees again.
Kiss away the tears that mark me
I just want to be whole again.

Don't leave your Child all alone in this world
Show her your love...

I cry
I so softly cry
On my knees

And I cry heal me, heal me,
Father, save me.
Abba, I'm on my knees again.
Kiss away the tears that mark me
I just want to be whole again.

(So much for my first note. Oh Father in Heaven, this is a song--why am I getting a song?! O_O I'm not a song writer, I never have been! *quietly freaks out* God's in the chorus, and other people in the verses.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(OK, take two on the random thoughts thing, then.)
I just...there's a lot of people I miss these days. There's reminders of those that had already gone ago and then there are fresh markers. Some of the people I was forced to let go, and some...well...
My friend Gundy once told me that there are people that just aren't good for you. He told me that, as kind and sweet as I am, I cannot allow people to walk all over me, much less keep less than desirable company or influences. As it is right now, I'm sorting through who is "desirable" and who is not. This goes back to my "scabbed life" analogy. Who is making a lasting, positive impact on my life? Who am I making an impact on? Who is not good for me, and, as much as I shock myself to think it, who am I not good for?

Funny, I always defined myself, in my deepest throes of depression, to be bad for EVERYONE. (Generalizations are bad. (Heh, that is an irony right there.)) I'm still growing, still maturing, still learning. The last few weeks have shaped my life a little harsher than I would have liked, but I'm starting to understand what is acceptable and what is just plain immature. Whether I will always remember that...heh...isn't always likely. After all, we all are only human.

The golden past always has dross in it. Big ol' globs of the stuff. Funny thing how the human mind will instantly and forever-ly rememeber the negative things about any situation or person, yet, the dustier memory becomes, the more it gets generalized, the more the gold shines through the dross, the more we mourn that we weren't back in those "happy" days. But simply because we are already past the bad stuff from that time.

Now I'm just rambling...

Seen at Solo's, Stolen from Josh's
Name: Virginia
Nicknames: Ginny, Digimon Empress, GinnyLyn, Virgil, G, GinnyPig, Puck, AuronLuver, draKehho, PuckLyn, Gryf, etc.
Sex: Female
Hetero/homo/bi: Hetero
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Siblings: 2
Their age & sex: Brother 15, Brother, 8
Birth place: Houston, Texas
Birth date: August 19th, 1980
Height: 5' 6.5"
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Auburn
Sign: Leo
Word/Phrase: Bwee!
Going to get married: If I find the right person.
How old: (see above)
How many kids: My mom wants at least one grandkid. If the trend holds, I have one girl and three boys coming to me. >_<
Boy name(s): I'd rather decide with my husband.
Girl name(s): I'd rather decide with my husband.



What’s Your...
Color: Anything that isn't neon
Symbol: Cross
Animal: Anything but monkeys
Website: www.otakuboards.com, http://ginnylyn/blogspot.com
Song: Too many to list



Places you have lived:
1. Houston
2. Dallas, Dallas, and more Dallas (different counties)



Places you want to live:
1. No clue
2. No clue
3. Still no clue
4. What, you think I have a clue by now?



Where you see yourself in a year:
1. Going to college
2. Working full time
3. Living at home, preparing to move out.



Last year you were:
1. In college.
2. working at Chili's.
3. Naive.



Where you see yourself in five years:
1. In my own place with a job I like
2. Hopefully married
3. on Earth, a little older and wiser, but still basically me


With $1,000,000 I would...
1. give 10% to God, but not some self-serving church
2. buy lots of art supplies
3. splurge with the leftovers



Name four people of same sex:
1. Sara
2. Flora
3. my Mom
4. Dulce Mosely



Now, name one good thing about them:
1. My first online friend
2. she likes me.
3. she is honest with me and I can be honest with her
4. she has GORGEOUS hair


And one bad:
1. too far away
2. gets depressed easily...
3. extremely paranoid about everyone
4. cross eyed



Name four people of opposite sex:
1. my stepdad
2. Mitch
3. Ron
4. Shaun



Now, name one good thing about them:
1. *blinks* um...took me in when my real dad walked out on me
2. He showed me I can be seen as intelligent.
3. He's a gentleman.
4. Sings good.



And one bad:
1. Very opininated.
2. seems quiet and possibly hurting
3. short, nasty temper...he's also been transferred out of my store
4. Must I?



What do you...
Want out of life: to quit being used as a doormat
Want from humanity: to be accepted
Want in opposite sex: (gonna try to answer this) a chance to understand the opposite sex
Want in a friend: to be comfortable
Just want: to be loved



What’s your biggest...
Fear: being abandoned by everyone.
Dream: to be an animator.
Expectation: to reach my dream.
Pet-peeve: when people accuse me of something I didn't do.
Bad habit: procrastination.
Good habit: determination (when motivated).



Who do you think will...
Become a millionaire: my brother
Become famous: ...um
Be an actor/tress: ...um
Be a rock star: ...um
Be a clown: Clowns scare me. Don't be a clown, anyone.
Get a sex change: *blinks* Ron once threatened...O_o
Get a boob job: I don't need one, and I don't know of anyone else that does.
Get pregnant before finishing HS: I hope no one will.
Have no kids: probably me
Never get married: me
Go to jail: Janice for getting caught by TABC
Be a model: Amada or Laura
Have a serious sex fetish: Misty (aka Butt Fetish)
Become a masked murderer: that person that I don't know.
Live in a trailer: Geoff
Fall off the face of the earth: with my kind of luck, that's me
Never grow up: OOO, look, me again!




Favorite...
Food: Anything that tastes good.
Name: Anything that sounds good.
Color: Anything that looks good (see a trend?)
Animal: 86 Monkeys
Person: Right now, me.
Crayon: Crayola
Thing: My PS2
Website: OtakuBoards.
Saying/Phrase from a song: "Honestly, you promised me I'd never find you fake it." ~Avril, Complicated.
Saying/Phrase from a movie: "You are who you choose to be." (Iron Giant)
Letter: G
Number: 19
Candy: too many
Soda: too many
Drink: Island Survivor
Magazine: Don't have one
Article of clothing: anything that looks good on me.
Type of movie: Action, fantasy, sci-fi
Movie: Too many of them
Type of Music: Techno remixes of video game music, Christian Rock
Store: Eletronics Boutique, Waldenbooks
Weapon: light swords
Restaurant: got me
Season: spring
Holiday: Easter
Comic: Sluggy.com, Get Fuzzy, *again, too many*



What are you....
Wearing: my lazy Sat. summer dress
Thinking: how to answer all these questions
Listening to: my brother yakking online, my other playing Majora's Mask
Wondering about: how my final will go



Last thing you...
Read: this questionaire
Thought: how to answer the above
Felt: my mouse
Wore: towel around my head
Read (book): Lord Brockhall
Did: go on the Internet
Listened to: my mom talking
Watched: myself playing Final Fantasy (1)
Ate: tortilla chips
Bought: Dark Cloud 2 and FF Origins
Drank: ice water
Said: "Mm hmm."



Last time you...
Talked to someone: this afternoon.
Cried: last night.
Ate a pickle: a few weeks ago.
Ask someone for help: yesterday at work.
Told someone how you felt: this evening.
Went outside: yesterday.
Took a shower: yesterday.
Gave a shower: never.
Drank Lemonade: a few days ago.
Thought about death: all the time.
Thought about suicide: a few weeks ago.
Spent money: yesterday.
Went to the beach: when I was 3.
Swam: about a year ago.
Went to church: two Sundays ago.
Went to a concert: last July 5th.
Who’s concert: Mercy Me and SonicFlood.



Have you ever...
Loved anyone: yes.
Hated anyone: yes.
Done anything illegal: yes.
Wanted to disappear: yes.
Wanted to die: of course.
Done something out of spite: yes.
Lied to someone on the internet: yes.
Stolen: yes.
Had alcohol: yes.
Did any illegal drug: nope.
Wanted to kill: heh, yeah.
Have you killed: do bugs count?
Been to jail: nope.
Died your hair: if a few strands count.



Do you have...
Any piercing: no
Are you going to get any: needles scare me.
If yes, where: N/A, but maybe my ears.
Any Tattoos: nope.
Are you going to: needles still scare me.
If yes, where: N/A, but my ankles.
Of what: some small mythical animal, I bet.



More you
First name: Virginia
Middle name: Lyn
Last name: (legal) Knapp, (baptized) Hartfield
What do you want to be: an animator
Your strength: hard worker
Your weakness: lazy
Your pets: my daschund Fred
Religion: Christian
Religious beliefs: what do you mean?
Medication: none that I know of.
Single or taken: single.
Parents: biological mom, stepfather
College: DCCCD
First thing you notice in opposite sex: Eyes
What kind of car do you drive: 2000 Saturn
What kind of car do you wish you were driving: Hey, I LIKE my Saturn!
Is the glass half empty or half full: I want more, please.
Is Elvis dead: sure, why not?



Last person you...
Talked to: (AIM) Mitch, (IRL) my brother
Listened to: my brother
Dreamed of: Steve Irwin (not by choice)
Thought of: Ron
Touched: Mom



Have you ever...
Drank: yes
Smoked: no
Broken the law: I think so
Ran away: tried to
Cheated on a test: in confirmation
Lied: yes
Played strip poker: nope
Broken a bone: nope
Played Twister... naked: naked?!?
Had surgery: no
Had a medical emergency: yes
Gotten beat up: no



Opposite Sex:
Blonde, Redhead or Brunette: Doesn't matter
Tall or short: Doesn't matter
What do you notice first (honest):
Must have: sense of humor, good set of morals
Cant have: dramatic tendencies, flirty nature
Hair- curly or straight: Doesn't matter
Hair-long or short: Doesn't matter
Personality trait: gentlemanly
Eyes: Doesn't matter



Do you believe in...
Luck: no
God: yes
Friends Forever: um...
Abortion: 95% no
Horoscopes: NO.
Premarital Sex: NO!
Religion: what do you mean?
Aliens: no proof
Telepathy: nope
Love at first sight: yes.



What do you think of...
Alt. Rock: Pfft.
Rap: Too many cuss words, not enough bass.
Country: Love lorn, love at first site, love your truck. Whee.
Classical: Best on this list.
Heavy Metal: NO.
Hard Rock: NO.
Oldies: Beh. Old stuff stays old.
Punk Rock: NO.



Who...
Makes you laugh most: the cheerful people at work.
Stupidest person you know: could be me.
Smartest person you know: Those Guiness Book of World Record IQ types.
Do you have a crush on (not famous): Video game character Auron. IRL guys are meh right now.
Do you have a crush on (famous): Tommy Lee Jones or Legolas, or Derek Stephen Prince.
Do you go to for advice: Kelly R, my mom, Greg
Has the best life: no one
Do you envy most: probably Amada
Knows the most about you: God
Do you know the best: no one, really--not even myself
Has it easier, girls or guys: neither



Which one?
Bitter or sweet: sweet
Coke or Pepsi: both
Sprite or 7up: 7up
Day or night: both
Diamonds or pearls: both
Gold of silver: both
Stairway to Heaven or Highway to Hell: Stairway to Heaven
Land or sea: both
Sky or land: sky
Love or lust: love
B.King or McD’s: neither
Mountains or prairies: both
Wings or claws: WINGS!

Moved.

Not always in the eye of the beholder
Have I been worrying about looks lately? About my physical appearance, or my voice? I wonder, because of what happened today.

I was working my second shift this evening, and I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. Then a high pitched voice began to ask for her order, and Derrick, the server blocking my view, looked around nervously, and a bit like he didn't want to be there. I stepped around him and saw the person.

She was probably in her thirties, but very small, and in a wheelchair. She could have been an eight year old if her face didn't hold the determination of an adult.

When I was much younger, people like this would...well, not scare me, persay, but I would try to stay away from them, for fear I would upset them by reminding them of their condition, and then, as a result, they wouldn't like me and I would be a bad person. ^^;

But her appearance and voice didn't bother me one bit. I just treated her like a regular customer, which seemed to please her. I also offered to carry out her bag ("Just point me in the direction you want me to take your bag, ok, dear?" "Oh, would you? Such a dear!"), and we comfortably chatted all the way out. I didn't bat an eye when her large van had a special attachment that helped her into the car, and when a noise that sounded like a shot nearby echoed in the air, I whirled around, intent on defending this lady.

Which, after she had left, suddenly hit me. What was it about her that resonated in me, that would cause me to defend her life with my very own even after only knowing her for a few minutes? I don't believe it was anywhere along the line of sympathy for her "ailment", so much as identifying with her. She had and has probably felt a lot of alienation in her life because of her condition, but tonight...

...tonight made me realize that you don't have to spend a lifetime getting to know a person to know that you care. Godlove can happen in a instant. And I know now, more than ever, that because I do not judge on face value, that I am not a part of this world.

Many, many thanks, ma'am, wherever you are.

EDIT
And thanks to Mitch, who inadvertantly showed me what I was writing about. Fake people. Being real, being true to oneself. Something I've been struggling with for quite some time now.

I've always prided myself on being individualistic, on being honest and true to myself and others. But I have had my hypocritical moments, days, months, even years. Perhaps this lady tonight, she showed me that I can, am, still true and honest. Whether reaching back to it after all this time, or having had this talent all along, or...

Mmm, yeah. Thank you both, ma'am and Mitch.

At Work
Today was AWESOME. Heh, I was beyond hyper, and yet, all the servers were that way, too, today. (Methinks it had something to do with the intense humidity that's still out there right now.) There was a lot of kind teasing going on, half of which I can't even remember! *bawls comically*

I do remember one instance for sure: one of the customers was commenting on how happy all the servers looked. I beamed at the compliment, and told her that it was because we were all like one big happy family.
Our bartender, Heather, was walking past and overheard this. She responded with, "Oh shut up, Ginny!"
I turned on her, glaring playfully. "No, YOU shut up, Heather."
"No, you shut up!"
"No, you shut up!"
"Yup," chortled the customer, "one big happy family. Too many siblings."

Greg and I teased each other a lot tonight, too. A bunch of the "go away, get lost, loser" type of stuff.
"Hi, Ginny, can I use your computer?"
"No."
"Gah *pout*, why do you have to be so mean?"
"You taught me well."
"No, I did n--HEY! Well...well...but you started it!"
"No, you came over here."
"Well, I'm the manager, so there!"

When he signed me out tonight, he told me he didn't want to see my face again until Monday (which, incidentally, is my next shift day). I playfully pouted and retorted in kind.

His wife Dulce (yeah, Dulce, Sara, go fig!) is real nice and has the curliest hair.

For the morning shift, I had no printer. I nearly threw a fit right before the evening shift, so the managers got me one to shut me up. ^_^; And Shannon's going to have a talk with Josh, who keeps telling me I'm not supposed to count my drawer out (which, incidentally, isn't true, so Josh is gonna be in trouble, heh).

And James Hall called today--OOOOO! And he's all the way in Frisco (which is an hour away from here, eek).

That's all for tonight!

(...i miss you, ron...)

IQ
Congratulations! Your general IQ score is 147.
A person whose IQ score falls in the range of 144-160 is considered to be "gifted".
What's your IQ?

At work
One of the first changes going around to make our store the M-I-T (manager in training) store, the managers have "restocked" the training team. Considering we only had 2-4 trainers left, we needed it badly.
Oh, and guess who FINALLY got to be a trainer after all these friggin' years? I dunno whether to be insulted or complimented.

More proof that managers are weird
*wiggles finger*
BAD SERVER!
*wiggles finger again*
*sound of head being smacked*

That was one of the last things Rondo left behind. Mwe hee. ...*sniffle*

Today, mundane?
Well, translated into Blogger-ese, it seems so.
Pretty busy at work, which is good. I've saving up money to get a graphics tablet. *grin* Can't wait to see how much my computer art will improve.
In art class, I finished "White Sheep", my chalk pastel of a dark unicorn on a bolt background. I will scan it or take a pic when I get a chance.

Anything else?

Oh yes.
*hugs Sara*

There. The world is hopefully a better place now.

If you haven't seen me lately...
Then you obviously aren't looking hard enough.

Final Rondoism
"Think of it this way: feeling sorry for yourself is not only not recommended, it's not an option."
The great big boogerhead taught me a lot about life, like it or not.
(And I think I inheritted his temper. >.<)

Talk to me
Spoke with Mitch, Sara, and Des today. Life is good.

Games
I'm FINALLY getting ahold of FF: Anthology! But after this, I'm putting myself on a strict no-game-buying ban. I can't keep spending money I don't really have. o_O

The Weirdest Dream
I dreamt I was at Steve Irwin's (you know the croc hunter guy) theme park in Australia. We were riding in this tram that goes through the croc area, me and a bunch of people that were volunteers to help with the crocs.
I know I didn't want to be on the ride. I have this adversion to rollercoasters, and this--going into croc territory? Uhn uhn.

So natch, when the tram is in the middle of the swamp, and the crocs are watching us, the tram starts sinking. And the crocs are coming. And Fred thumps on my bedroom door, waking me up.

Incidentally, I have died in my dreams. But I'm still here. So no, dying in dreams does not equal dying in real life.

A Parallel for Life
You know when you were young, you fell down and scraped your knee really badly? The works: blood, tears, pain, crying, all that. And Mama would come instantly with a bandaid and disinfectant. Sure, the disinfectant would sting bloody awful like, causing more pain, but Mama would reassure you that it was getting rid of the bad germs that could cause problems later on if not removed now (infection).

She would put the bandaid on the scrape and kiss it, reminding you not to take off the bandaid. The bandaid would help the skin close up your wound faster, reducing your risk of infection; plus, it'd keep you from picking at the forming scab, which was also fighting to remove the bacteria the disinfectant, the bandaid, or Mama's kiss managed to miss. Because if you didn't do any of this, you'd get infected. Bad.

Naturally, you try so hard to obey, because you don't want to get infected. But occasionally, there would be an area of the scab sticking out from around the edges of the bandaid, because they (bandaids) didn't always cover all the area. And there would be that temptation to pick at the scab. Why? Because it looks ugly, and during the summer time it's bad enough your knees are boney, but to have some Care Bears-print bandaid sagging over a partly covered scab is just gross. You think picking at it will make the scab go away faster, you would look better sooner, and then life would go back to normal.

Fortunately, you never picked too much; if you were in danger of doing so, Mama always caught you.

Then, THEN, my friends, comes the glorious day when the bandaid can come OFF (never mind the fact that it's hanging by only 1/3 of its adhesive now). There's a slight sting of pulled hair as you gingerly tug at the bandaid, then suddenly, your courage spurts and you rip it off! And underneath, the last of the evil scab, surrounded by bright pink, newly formed and healed skin. All you have to do now is to scratch off the last of that scab.

You do. At first, it hurts some, because part of the scab (re: evil, captured germs) is still anchored in. But you want to look normal again, so you dig in, biting your lower lip to ignore the smarting pain, and there is that one eternal moment where you're afraid it's just not gonna come off after all because it hurts too much, oh darn leave it where it is, but no--no! here it comes and there it is...some shriveled piece of dark, dead skin. It looks a lot smaller now, rather forlorn and hopeless, and you wonder how it could have ever made you feel bad in the first place, because now it's there in your palm ready to be brushed off, instead of being some dark ugly stain on your knee.

Draw your own conclusions. I am not going to say anymore tonight.

I am loved
*nods*

Thank you, Sara. Thank you, Mitch. Thank you, Desbreko and Flora. I...
..am without words except...
...thank you.

Info
I went and added a lot more on at my OB profile. Email address, homepage (here), AIM name, Yahoo ID (I think that's what it was....). My AIM name's changed yet again. And some of you have yet to update the link for this Blog. Ah well. ^_^

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen: Recap of this past week
(in no particular order)
I'm losing hours and tips at my job; we are going to lose our house; my car broke down; Ron got transferred; (without pointing fingers) I am single again; my other uncle is at the hospital right now; I found out I have to drop out of school and take a full time job for a while; I've been told that I'm simply not desirable as a friend. I can handle these one by one, but not all at once.

I'm not me
I just am not. I can't explain it.

Shaun
For some reason, I'm having difficulty believing you. That there's some other reason you're not coming on. If it makes you feel any better, you're one of the least of my worries right now. And I meant that in the nicest way possible!!!! ^^;;;;

Flora
Just remember, sweetheart, you aren't the only one with pain and sorrow in your life. *sad smile*

Breko
Thank you. Just...mmm...yeah...thanks. Thank you for showing me I can be sociable.

Mitch
Dittos.

Me again
This isn't my life anymore. I'm not happy with anything. And everything else has been screwed. I'm stagnating terribly. I need to be free... I may be depressed, I may not be. But considering every frelling thing that's happened this past week, you'd think I'd care more. I just feel dull. Not immune, just not responsive.

Tonight
I'm not going to be on. So rejoice. Or be miserable. I dunno...