I...I am not depressed.
But I am sad.
*softly* ...Rondo?
Something is wrong with Ron. Not really wrong, but wrong. And that's enough to bother me. The last few weeks he's been almost mindlessly hotheaded.
On a totally unrelated note, rumors are still floating around that one of our five managers will be transferred in the next few months. Lemme repeat that one important word: "rumors".
*keeps repeating it to herself*
Like Ron once told me, assume is three words.
And everyone else?
And, well...as much as I love all of you dearly, you online people...I just...I can't...
I can't be there for you. I don't have the time anymore.
And that hurts unbelievably, because I care about the whole lot of you.
So in the rare times I get on AIM, people are referencing stuff from a day or two ago that I wasn't apart of, so I am lost. Or they get goofy around me ("Oh but Gin, you cheer me up. That's just you."). Granted, I don't want to be hit with depression from all of you all the time. But lately, I miss out on being with you all, and the time I am there, you either don't want to talk, or I feel as if you are hiding something from me. Or you get goofy. Or I end up feeling like I'm an ignorant 3 year old baby you are watching.
I'm not asking everyone to overhaul their personality and life to appease me (I had a hard enough time getting a scant few of you to actually get the link for this blog up *glares at the rest of you* ^_^), but...
Well, it's me that needs the overhaul...I just don't know how.
For the most part, I don't mind being along. But there are times, or days, when I just want someone to be near. Not someone that is talking to me because they happen to be a friend of someone I know, or because we're stuck together for the next hour or two in the same job area.
I want someone to be my friend because of me.
And I...I need them here. IRL.
Just because.
Tears of Mirth: A Chasing of the Wind
Amid the laughter, amid the sorrow. Finding out what it all means.
Saturday, March 08, 2003
Dear Josh,
Thank you for putting my link in your blog. But please don't assume stuff--I am hurt that you said I don't read your blog.
just a person you know,
Ginny
Wednesday, March 05, 2003
Tuesday, March 04, 2003
Yeesh, I love how you all are remembering to update your blog lists to include this one. ^_~ 'Course, I need to do the same for my other blog.
I've been commissioned by Ron, not once, but twice to do some stuff for the store and for his son. Bwa WEE!
*giggle*
Let's see, Greg broke the sanitizer and (teasingly) blamed me. I (teasingly) blamed him back. Ron tried to fix it in an attempt to shut us up.
Ron: *claps cover back on* There, I fixed it. *cover promptly falls off again* ....or not.
Then there was the "coming out" call incident from Greg and the "I want flowers, too" from Ron. What a day. ^_^
Showed off a portion of my art portfolio to Ron and Greg and they both like it. ^^
I've found a bunch of my "ficdigis" tucked away, and was so impressed with them (imagine that oO;) that I'm attempting to revive them. Right now, I've got Bukaru, Ursannas, and the Light form colored. So many many more to do, though...*grins anyway* This should be fun.
Sunday, March 02, 2003
Dissertation
Today's Song: Holy by Nichole Nordeman
Today's Verse: John 3:16
Have you ever wondered why John 3:16 is the verse that is synonymous with Christianity? Not the societal view of Christianity, but actual Christianity. It is because this verse covers every basic point that any person ever needs to know.
Just in case you forgot:
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)"
How many mentions of hellfire and damnation are screaming in your face right now? Tell me the numbers of fingers that waggle at your sinfulness from this verse. List all the people that are considered forever screwed because of their lifestyles, as a reflection of this verse.
See the point?
Society believes that Christianity is all about waiting to leap on the next person that trips up, even if it's one of their own. That the Bible is full of rules to keep us from having fun, that God is waiting on his silvery cloud to strike us down with a lightning bolt or keeping tallies of our sins on an enormous chalkboard. And to be honest, we Christians are partly at fault for that image. We've been far too zealous in making sure that we are doing enough to keep our soul's butt away from the Smoking Section to remember the real message here.
John 3:16 in a nutshell: God loves you. And He wants you to love Him back.
Jokes about learning the meaning of life elicited small chuckles from me when I was younger, because I too looked to know, and the frustration I felt was seen in the joke, and I was comfortable that someone else knew my frustration. These days I giggle softly because I know the meaning of life. It's John 3:16 in a nutshell.
I remember high school English annoying me to no end. I could easily BS my way through an essay; I could pull symbols and themes out of novels all day long without breaking a sweat (yawns threatened constantly, however); reading itself wasn't so bad. To an extent. My ever-constant infant whine was about the content in "classics".
"Whyyyy does this have to be so depreeeeeessing?" *whine*
"It's a reflection of life at that time," my prim English teachers would always reply, with that ever-inscrutable smirk.
"Dang, their lives sucked."
But that's why they were classics. People sought, and still seek, reflections of life in their entertainment. It stands to reason that Drama shows and movies have more of a following than Comedy ones do. People can only laugh for so long, but they will always be looking for answers. As such, they watch drama for those tidbits of wisdom that can help them, because the shows remind them of their own lives; and yet, we forget that Television Shows and the Silver Screen Movies house fanciful characters that never lived, imaginary worlds that were never constructed, knowledge that simply does not apply to us.
God loves us. And He wants us to love Him back.
Another fun search we human beings conduct is the hunt for the Fountain of Youth. To be able to stay 20ish forever, with good looks, young vibrant bodies, and an ever eager mind. A deeper look into this reveals that human beings want, not so much to stay alive until the end of time, but to be remembered--for who they are, what good things they did. As Solomon (reputed to be one of the wisest kings ever) pointed out in the book of Ecclesiastes, such a longing is not only unfulfilling, but also fruitless. "As a man comes, so he departs, and what does he gain, since he toils for the wind?....For the living know that they will die,...and even the memory of them is forgotten...never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the sun."
Such is the way of our world. We are too busy making sure we are remembered well to remember the memories of those before us. Such imperfect immortality is not one I would want, especially not in the world that we have. And the soft giggle comes again with the knowledge of Immortality: I have the answer.
Having faith in God means living forever. Not, fortunately, in this world, but in a perfect world.
At this point, the intellectuals sigh and shake their heads.
Out of curiosity, do you know the definition of "fool" in the Bible? It is not one that is mentally handicapped or bereft of IQ. In fact, it may be seen as the exact opposite: the mentally exceptionals, the people with IQ to spare and share. A "fool" is defined as one who does not believe in God or one that defies God, and this extends not only to non-believers, but so-called Christians who are getting carried away in their "Me me me I'm so great!" crusades. The same ones that are so quick to point fingers and play judge for God, when Judge is God's job, and God's job alone. The same ones that society sees because they shout the loudest, and therefore, are considered the prime example for generalization.
God wants you to know, to believe, to have faith that He loved you and loves you so much that He died for you, so you could find the Meaning of Life, so you could life forever, so you could be happy. That's what He wants for you. All the other details (curbs on the road of life, really, making sure that we don't run off the road and get injured terribly in the process) in the Bible are trivial compared to this main truth.
"But what about what the Bible says about (insert topic here)?" you ask.
I can only give you my view (and remember that I am human, and a faulty one at that), then tell you to take it on faith; certain issues are between you and God alone.
"Deus ex Machina!" you cry. "What a sorry way to get out of it!"
I simply smile. There's a lot of issues you must take in faith in Christianity. The problem with our society is that we are a generation of now or never. If it isn't instantly gratifying, then it must not be worth the effort. Even I, as a faulty human, have difficulty with this, leaving faith as an option given by God, supplied by God.
Let me put it this way: God doesn't want people who are in it just to use Him as a way to get to Heaven; it doesn't work like that. You need genuine faith. Maybe, just maybe, this is why the Bible confounds so many intellectuals with its seemingly impossible stories.
As a closing note, may I point out that you don't need to be perfect to be a God child, no matter what societal generalizations say. God takes care of the perfect part and (remember this?) just wants you to know that He loves you, and wants you to love Him back.
I am one of the most "horrid" perfectionists you will ever find, the type that authoritatively says, "If it isn't done right the first time, then you/I/it must be worthless." People are so terrified that if they trip up once, they will be mauled and ostracized by some of the overzealous, self appointed judges. But God is not like that. He invented second chances. His is the only opinion you should be concerned about.
To quote a Backstreet Boys song:
"I don't care
who you are,
where you're from,
what you did..."
...just as long as you know God loves you, and wants you to love Him back.
It's that simple.
* Holy *
(by Nichole Nordeman and Mark Hammond 2002 Ariose Music)
How many roads did I travel before I walked down one that led me to You?
How many dreams did unravel before I believed in a hope that was true?
How Long? How far?
What was meant to fulfill only emptied me still
And all you ever wanted...
Only me on my knees
Singing holy, holy
And somehow all that matters now is
You are holy, holy
How many deaths did I die before I was awakened to new life again?
How many half-truths did I bear witness to, til the proof was disproved in the end?
How long? How far?
What was meant to illuminate, shadowed me still
And all you ever wanted...
Only me on my knees
Singing holy, holy
And somehow all that matters now is
You are holy, holy
And all I have is gratitude to offer you.
Only me on my knees
Singing holy, holy
And somehow all that matters now is
You are holy, holy
(If you have yet to hear this song, I highly recommend it. Pretty. It was featured in Wow 2003 CD collection.)
